Riding the rollar-coaster of life

Gordon B. Hinckley said: "Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he's been robbed. The fact is that most putts don't drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to just be people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration, most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. Life is like an old time rail journey: delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride."


In the category of "delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts": My thyroid numbers are all over the place. Everywhere except where they should be. The ultrasound showed three nodules. I visited the ENT Thursday, who was very old school and all business. I left feeling like I'm just another body and the plan is laid out whether it's right for me or not. Tomorrow I'm getting a biopsy on my thyroid. I'm hoping and praying for the best possible outcome. I hate the fact that I will probably be on meds for the rest of my life. After we learn the results I will be seeking a second opinion, and hopefully, will find a doctor who will let me have some say in my care. 


In the category of beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed: Tom's sister called about 10 days ago. She and her husband are taking their family on a cruise, but one son is unable to go. So we were invited to use the four available spots. We have never gone on a cruise. We will be visiting Cabo San Lucas and Puerto Vallarta, Mexico! We are all super excited! 


Some good advice from a friend for tomorrow...


 just think the whole time.. “in a few weeks I’ll be on a cruise ship”, repeat over and over..  

That's me!

Pretty much sums it up. 

Things I never knew

Cooking can be fun! 


I'd have so much fun finding new recipes and learning new ways to cook. 


Vegetables taste delicious! 


Vegetables, fruit, whole grains and beans taste great without all the sugar and fat. 


I wouldn't miss meat. At. All. 


Dairy (and especially cheese) would easily slip into the category of condiment. 


All meals can be FAST, EASY and TASTY! 


If you're interested in more details you can check my "Rediscovering Me" blog. 

I think I'm back

Thanks to some wise words from a friend, I am feeling much better about things. She reminded me that sometimes when everything else is done we need to forgive ourselves. I had gotten to the point where I had done everything I could do to forgive and move on, including accepting the fact that all I can do now is turn it over to Heavenly Father. 


The part that was still dragging me down was the fact that there has been a part of me that blames myself for letting it happen. Again. For not seeing it coming. Again. For seeing the red flags and ignoring them. 


When I started acknowledging that I was blaming myself, I could change my thinking, forgive and start to feel better. Last time, it was like night and day. It seemed like the windows of my soul had been cleaned, and the very colors of the world were brighter. This week it all came very subtly, like a sunrise. 

Life in the funnies

You know you've seen too much Monty Python when...the speaker in church is retelling the story of David and Goliath beautifully, but you're picturing Goliath shouting, "I fart in your general direction. Your mother is a hamster. Your father smells like elderberries." at the army of Israel. I tell you, it was hard to not snicker.


This one is terrible, but it's James' wicked sense of humor. Tom was telling me what a friend had said about the chest pain he had during a heart attack...that it was like a rod through his heart. In the background James starts singing, "The Iron rod is the word of God..."


And on a serious note...


Hannah spoke in church today. She did an awesome job. She talked about finding our talents, and let even the oldest members of the ward know that they haven't found all their talents yet, so there's no excuse. LOL 

Monty Python wisdom

One thing I never got into when I was young was Monty Python. I thought it was silly. I remember one time for a singles activity (before mission...I think I was about 20) we had a sleep over at the church and one of the activities during the night was a viewing of "Monty Python and the Holy Grail." I fell asleep! So as Tom (and later) the kids got into Monty Python and laughed up a gut, I was always off doing my own thing. 


So here we are at 2012. Johnathan sent a game called "Fluxx" to James for Christmas. It's based on Monty Python and is a really crazy, silly game. It's amazing that anyone can actually win the game because the rules and the objective of the game change all. the. time. One card says to draw three cards and you can play one card per quote you can say. I just ignore it because I don't know any quotes. Also, there are cards where you can draw and play extra cards if you talk with an accent or sing a Monty Python song. Well, if someone else is already singing a song I'll copy, but otherwise I'm stumped, and I ignore those cards, too. 


Today I was trying to come up with titles for blogs (not wanting to do the same old thing) and decided to look for Monty Python quotes. I found a good one for my journey blog. I also found this one. It is by God. 

"Every time I try to talk to someone it's 'sorry this' and 'forgive me that' and 'I'm not worthy.'"

Can you imagine how Heavenly Father must feel when He hears these over and over and over. I'm so glad He is so patient and loving. I'm so glad there will never be a day when He loses his temper and says, "That's it. I'm done. What's wrong with you? Why can't you get it right? You're a screwball." But He is always there and always doing what is best for us to learn and grow. Sometimes it does feel like a two by four to the head, but He always loves us. I think one of the sisters in our ward has this down to a science. She can correct you in the nicest way, and you never feel that her love is less or that you are less because of it. 


In and of themselves, these feelings of guilt, sorrow and unworthiness can be a stepping stone to better things and a better life as long as they are temporary. However, they are also a sign of abuse when they become crushing and constant. I have dealt with alot of verbal and emotional abuse in my life, and unfortunately, last year was one of those experiences.  


I may not always recognize abuse as it happens, but I do recognize how it affects me. One sure sign that I have just been on the receiving end of someone stepping over my boundaries or being outright abusive is that I start apologizing for everything. I apologize for every little thing I think I did wrong, including anything I may have done to offend the abuser. In fact, I also apologize for what they did to me. I also feel guilty for standing up for myself and removing myself from the situation. From there I go to second guessing myself and feeling unworthy. 


I was recently talking to someone, who said she didn't understand how someone can be abused and stay in the relationship. Why can't they just get out and stay out? I explained to her that often the abuser cuts off all avenues for you to get help. When you are abused you are so confused you don't know which way is up. It takes time to sort things out and too many times people go back too quickly. Fortunately, for me, I am strong enough to get out and stay out.  


The only way I know to get past the guilt, sorrow and feelings of unworthiness is FORGIVENESS. Applying the atonement to our lives by forgiving others is the key. I did it once before and life on the other side was wonderful. For a brief three years I was the Ann Jenson Heavenly Father meant for me to be. I'm working toward that again, and I'm getting closer and closer. Sometimes I wish I could just go inside myself and fix the wires that were damaged so long ago and still cause me trouble now. I hope that someday I'll know enough to avoid these experiences in the first place, to be the real me always. 


You may wonder why I post about these things. It's because I believe Heavenly Father has given me a wide variety of experiences so I can help others as they go through similar things. But I don't think it's only me. I think He designed all of us that way so we can all help each other.  

Hello 2012!

May you be unencumbered by the past and be the most fantastic year yet! 


It's crazy how when I look back on 2011 I feel like I'm looking through fog. I sure hope the fog has lifted. 


Here are a few goals for 2012. 


Complete the virtue project and the integrity project for personal progress. 
Piano: learn one new hymn per month, perform twice (once on piano, once some other way)


My health goals are on the other blog. I'll just say I'm excited with the direction they are taking. 


And to finish off...a couple of books I highly recommend. 


"The China Study" by Colin Campbell
"In Defense of Food" by Michael Pollan

Boredom

I've had a hefty case of boredom set in, and can't seem to get it dislodged. So I decided to make a list of the things you do when you are bored.

• Sleep--and when you wake up, turn over and sleep some more
• Check facebook for the 100,000th time today
• Check the blog again, just in case someone blogged in the last 2 minutes
• Read every book in the house
• Stare at the phone and will it to ring (hoping it will be someone other than teenagers calling to talk to your teenager)
• Bake cookies and eat them all. (ok, I only cooked four cookies and ate them)

Here are a few more productive things I've done:

• Go for a walk
• Set next year's goals
• Study so next year's goals are a possibility
• chat online with my sister

Magical 25th

Anniversary--

I'm finally getting around to sharing a few photos of our anniversary. I love nature. It's always pretty no matter what time of year. 

Relaxing in the hot tub...the best way...hot water with snow on the ground!

Christmas 2011

Timothy (on right) with his companion (just to the left)

Tom holding "Rusty Pick-ups" by our brother-in-law, Mike Harrington.

James with Marvin the Martian.

Hannah with pink...blanket and blouse. 

Linda got her set of "Anne of Green Gables"

Here's our Christmas craft. Mine is on the left. Hannah's is on the right.

Put a treat in the muffin cup and count down to Christmas!

Of course, the best part of any Christmas is the phone calls to the missionary and the kids who are far away. 

Merry Christmas from the Jensons

2011 in a Nutshell

• Tom is now working for CenturyLink (because Qwest was bought), and keeps busy in creative pursuits. He is still taking care of the church building.  

• Ann stopped working after the last school year and has enjoyed having more time for home, family and calling. She loved participating in the “Hymns of Thanksgiving” (a community choir/orchestra concert in November)

• John and Laney have moved to Teton, Idaho, and are preparing for school to start. Laney is the manager of the Arctic Circle in Rexburg.

• Tim served in Windsor, NS; Amherst, NS and St. Stephen, NB this year. St. Stephen was a repeat since it was his first area. He is now in St. John, New Brunswick which is the largest city in NB. He is loving his mission.

• James is a junior and recently got his driving permit. He enjoys (?) driving mom and dad around town.

• Hannah is first chair in the cello section. She is a sophomore this year.

• Tom and Ann celebrated their 25^th wedding anniversary.

  

We hope this Christmas season finds you well

and enjoying the blessings of our Heavenly Father.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Love, The Jensons

Christmas traditions aren't complete without...

homemade chocolates (peanut butter truffles and oreo truffles)

Gingerbread houses! This is the one we sent Tim. He still hasn't opened the package.

Hannah's

My house 

Tom's 

James'