Life is good

It's amazing how much stress can take out of you. All week I've been enjoying the lower stress level. I've enjoyed all the Relief Society stuff I've been able to do without being stressed out before I even start. I'm going through in my mind what to tell the district. I have to be one hundred percent sure before I cut off any relationship. She finally gave me enough to reach that point. I've also dealt with enough abusers in my life to know that whatever I say will be thrown right back at me and I will not argue. I know I can't win a war of words, and I won't even try. I don't need to report her or tell the district anything to get past this and move on with life. I do feel bad for the next people in line, and a responsibility to them.

Change is welcome

Life has been pretty stressful this school year, but most particularly since I started my new job in January. I won't go into too many details, but the fact is that after four months the kitchen manager revealed her true colors and I hit my breaking point. Last Friday was the worst of all the days we've worked together and I decided I needed another school next year. Over the weekend I felt physically ill whenever I thought about going back to work on Monday. So, I decided to go back to the sub list for the rest of the year. It probably means that I'll have to stay on the sub list from here on out, but that's ok. I'm feeling like I am just about done with food service, period.

I've been very upset over this, to the point I've had trouble sleeping. The biggest thing that bothers me is that I didn't see the signs after all the times I've dealt with abusive people. I feel like a fool. I'll get past it, but it will take time. I know better than to bury the feelings. I have to let them out so I can progress to forgiveness. Right now I'm angry and embarrassed and I hope she gets some consequences soon. The district has to suspect something is going on when this manager has been through two assistants in one year.

But at the same time I'm counting my blessings that I'm not still in that situation and I'm enjoying my freedom.

So here are some of the fun things I did today and have planned for the rest of the week:

Slept in until 7:30 am

Ate breakfast and goofed off on the computer until 10 am.

Did Relief Society business.

Ran errands (and celebrated with lunch out)

Planning a trip to the temple

Will make more RS calls and do more RS business

Relax, relax, and relax some more.

It felt so good to not be stressed out today!

Breath...that's important

Today I tried out the mantra of a friend...

"I chose this. I chose to have children. I have good children." Repeated as long as necessary.

So, James, Hannah and I had a dentist appointment this afternoon. After work I called Hannah's school to tell them I needed to pick her up at 1:2o. Then I called James's school to tell them I needed to pick him up at 1:30. That secretary lectured me on calling earlier so she wouldn't have to interrupt his class by taking a note to him. I couldn't even get a word in edge-wise to tell her that I was calling as early as possible since I work at 7:15 AM. Then she told me that James was in the seminary building and I'd have to call them.

So I call the seminary building and they say..."James isn't here."

So then I'm thinking, my teenager is going off the deep end. He's ditching seminary. He's probably goofing off and getting into drugs. He ditched school and now he's lying, bleeding in the street somewhere and no one knows who he is. (Moms, you know how it is when our kids aren't where we expect them to be. We think of the worst thing possible.)

Needless to say, James didn't make it to his dentist appointment, and I was dreaming up all kinds of consequences for him.

And I started breathing deep and repeating the above mantra.

Finally, when James came home from school he had a legitimate reason for not being in seminary. Problem was he forgot when it was happening and therefore, couldn't tell me. Tim had us spoiled because he was always where he needed to be. John would come home late or this or that, but ALWAYS had a good reason for doing what he had done. We couldn't punish him for putting someone else first and helping them, etc. So, today with James...he had a good reason, his communication was the problem.

After talking to him about it all I told him that I'm happy that I have good kids, that when we have times like this I can trust that they have a really good, reasonable excuse and aren't just out bumming around.

Definitely, a not so good mom moment, although I did handle it rather well when he finally came home.

Thanks, Lisa, for the mantra.

Just a calm, relaxing day

Today was just about perfect.

7 am--ward council meeting

8 am--Tom made gluten free Swedish pancakes and orange juice for breakfast

8:30 am--Linda arrived

9 am--Church where we had wonderful talks, a great Sunday School lesson and I was able to attend YW with Hannah. Here's the gift Hannah gave me.

12:30 pm--PHONE CALL with Tim!

4 pm--Dinner with John and Laney, complete with the cheesecake I made for the occasion.

After hearing about struggles some of my friends are going through this was a perfect day. We are all safe, we were all together and enjoying each other's company. What more could a mom want?

New skills

California Rolls

The new two hour person at work is a lady from Japan. She is a real pleasure to work with, and we just adore her.

Last Friday she brought all the ingredients for a sushi making lesson. Here are my results...

I never knew sushi was so tasty!

Not old enough

Yesterday I was told I didn't look old enough to have a 23 year old son.

That made my day!

Number 22 and spring break

I remember when my Grandma Housley said she had visited every temple except some foreign ones (London and Swiss). She had even visited the Hawaiian temple and the New Zealand temple. I think she would have a hard time keeping up now days. I don't think I'll ever visit all of them, but I have fun visiting new ones when I have the chance.

Temples I have attended:

1. Portland

2. Oakland

3. San Diego

4. Boise

5. Twin Falls

6. Idaho Falls

7. Logan

8. Ogden

9. Bountiful

10. Salt Lake City

11. Jordan River

12. Mount Timpanogus

13. Provo

14. Manti

15. St. George

16. Mesa

17. Winter Quarters

18. Nauvoo

19. Palmyra

20. Washington DC

21. Altanta, Georgia

AND 22...

Oquirrh Mountain Temple, Utah

Tom loves the ocean and misses it. I miss the mountains. This was the view as we came out of the temple. I wish the picture had the mountains on either side of this one. Fantastic!

Spring break!

I was soooo ready for spring break this year. After school got out and I dealt with some Relief Society stuff, I decided I HAD to get out of town...fast. Our original plan was to wait until Thursday to go to Utah. But I needed to go relieve some stress.

So Saturday afternoon James, Hannah and I went to Twin Falls. We spent Saturday and Sunday visiting with Linda and relaxing. It felt so good to start unwinding. Monday we traveled to Salt Lake and stayed with Tom's sister, Christi. More sitting around, lots of reading and relaxing. I finished one book, read one of Christi's books and got half way through the Work and the Glory #8.

Tuesday I met my friend Carol and we went to the temple. My goal was to soak up as much spiritual strength I could before coming home, and the temple was a good start.

Wednesday we went to Provo and visited with my parents and my sister Leah and her kids. I finally got some sewing projects finished and had a good visit with mom. I also asked Dad to give me a father's blessing. Afterwards, mom, dad and I had a great visit.

Thursday I met Tom in downtown Salt Lake after he rode the bus down. We had some time alone for a date! Then Tom taught his sister and his cousin how to make Swedish pancakes and Grandma Myrberg's homemade marshmallows. That evening Hannah and Tom when to the All Star Weekend concert. They had a great time. James hung out with his cousins and I relaxed some more.

Friday we met the Grubers (less Sean) at the zoo. This was one of our favorites...

The baby elephant is about 18 months old now. Another favorite was the old orangutan. He was eating a frozen treat and would hold it in his mouth for a moment and then he would hold the treat on his lower lip while his mouth warmed up again. Every time he did that Gordon laughed.

Saturday and Sunday we enjoyed time with the Grubers and the conference. Finally, on the way home we met with Tom's family for dinner and started the journey home.

What a wonderful conference! So many of the talks seemed to be for me. I loved the overall message that I am doing ok, but I still have things to work on. I felt built up and encouraged to keep going. I loved seeing the hand of the Lord in the arrangement of the talks. There's no doubt in my mind that He is in charge.

And, of course, I'm excited about another temple being so close to where we live. I can't wait to add it to my list.

Who's watching?

I'm constantly learning what it means to be a Relief Society president. You'd think at almost one and a half years I'd almost have it down, but NOPE! No matter how hard I try I can't even put it into words. You just have to experience it yourself to fully appreciate what a Relief Society president does. I never wanted the job and hope to never do it again (ha ha!...heavy sarcasm, here), and during the last month or so even the nursery has been sounding good.

There have been a couple things in the last few days that have really helped. First, was our Relief Society birthday dinner. One of the girls talked about how Heavenly Father sees everything we do even when we feel that no one is noticing the things we do. Then we did an activity where half of us sat in a circle. The other half were standing behind those who were seated. The ones sitting, closed their eyes and the ones standing, moved around the circle and told each person something they admired about them. Then we traded places and repeated the exercise. It was so spiritual. There were tears and lots of smiles. It felt so good to hear people telling me that they appreciate what I do for them in my calling. They also told me they appreciate and admire my loving and peaceful nature.

The second thing happened on Sunday as we were waiting to start our presidency meeting. The secretary and I were sitting in our favorite room when a little boy from the other ward came in. He was hiding because he didn't want to go to primary. Lisa started asking where his parents were and suggested he go find them.

"No, I'm with my grandma."

"You should go find your grandma and let her know where you are."

"No, she'll make me go up there and I don't want to go. She can't see me here."

"Heavenly Father can see you."

"No he can't."

"Yes, he can."

"You mean, He can see me through the ceiling?"

"Yes, He can. He can see you everywhere."

"Oh. Maybe I should go to class."

Maybe I should pay attention since this message came twice. It reminded me that Heavenly Father loves me, knows me and accepts me. He notices what I do and helps me do what I need to do. I may have challenging weeks (like the last one), but I'm not alone because He is there. I'm just got to keep remembering that.

And so it goes...

Well, I'm feeling a bit better about everything now I had my little melt down. Things are looking up at work. Detoxing is still there. Relief Society is smoothing out...kinda.

Yesterday we had a memorial service for one of the less active sisters. We provided soup, rolls and cake for the lunch and it was so easy. A real blessing for everyone involved.

Then I learn that we have another funeral in the near future. Sister Harriet Wardle, one of the sweetest sisters in the ward, passed away this morning. I don't know when it will all happen. It was a bit surprising since Harriet has had the better health of the two of them lately. Jess is still hanging on although his health has steadily declined in the last few months. We miss seeing the two of them making their way down the halls of church or already sitting in the chapel when we arrive.

While we were living in Salt Lake I had to work for a time although I didn't want to leave the kids. Hannah was just a baby. One day I read in the Book of Mormon about how the people of Alma prayed that their burdens would be lightened. I prayed that mine would be lightened, too, and felt a physical lifting of my burdens. The weight on my shoulders actually felt lighter.

Tom reminded me of that scripture yesterday, so I've been praying for several things. That my burdens will be lightened. That I will be stronger and able to endure. That I will be forgiving, patient and able to fulfill my duties the way the Savior would. It's just a beginning, but my mood definitely shifted for the better today.

Note to the members of the ward who read this...We'll be calling for help!

The Blues

These last few weeks have been horrible. I'm so tired of feeling stressed out and worn out all the time.

First, the visit to my naturopath revealed that my body is having a hard time getting the lead out. (No pun intended.) He now has me on a supplement to help with that. The detoxing makes me very tired in the evenings, besides keeping me from losing any weight. Do you know how hard it is to eat like you're on a diet when you know it won't do any good? Very frustrating. I hate this stage of my healing.

Second, since the end of January I have had to do some things for Relief Society that have been very hard for me. AND then when it was done I was criticized because I didn't do it right. I never wanted this job and sometimes I have wished that I could give it back to some of the complainers. The previous president said she loved this job. I still don't, and I don't know if I ever will. It's the hardest calling I've ever had.

Third, we have had a very hard year at work, and were overjoyed when the new assistant manager decided to move to a new school. I took her place...but her presence is still very much in our kitchen. Rather than talk to me about things, the manager let her frustrations build up until she blew up one day (referenced in the previous post). She acted totally inappropriately and I am having a very hard time dealing with it. I walk on egg shells at work and then cry in the evenings. The day it happened she "invited" me to go home if I couldn't pull myself together. If I had gone home, I really doubt that I would have ever gone back. As it is, I'm wondering if I will stay past this year...or even make it to the end of the year.