The other three dates in high school were also girl’s choice affairs. Two were dances and one was a Young Women’s activity. For that one we had it on April Fool’s day and we colored the food weird colors. We each asked a boy to come to the dinner with us. I asked the boy in the other ward to go with me to this activity. (Yes, boys were limited at that time in Lewiston…they were either dating someone seriously, or my cousins. Very few were available.) He was one of the popular boys in the school and I was surprised when he said he would go with me. The leaders tied our hands together so we were one big chain of people and we had to eat that way. My date was left handed, but valiantly ate with his right hand so he could get along with all the right-handed people.
I was in college before boys started asking me out, and that was rare. I had a low self-esteem, but I had a mask of confidence. To look at me you’d never know I felt poorly about myself. I also didn’t have much training where boys were concerned. I didn’t have an older sister to teach me the ropes, and my oldest brother was 10 years old when I started college. Not a lot of education to aid in the dating scene. Some of my guy friends (Garfield and Bruce and a few others) helped with that. They taught me that boys were afraid of rejection, that if I smiled at boys the battle was won, and that I had a lot going for me.
Here are a few of the boys I dated in college:
-Ben—one date
-The one who told me on our first date that he came to BYU because he knew he would find a wife. I told him it was going to be quite a while before I got married. On our second date he told another boy in the ward that it would be a while before he got married. That was our last date.
-Joel—We went on three dates and he had decided that I was the girl for him. I had to write him a “Dear John” letter during the summer.
-Raymond—who didn’t like the fact that I’d never been outside the United States
-Paul—who believed in keeping his woman bare-foot and pregnant. I let him know I was not the girl for that.
-And then there was Tom! I can count the number of boys I dated on both hands so this is the entire list.
Tom and I met in January 1984. It was my third year at BYU and about 1 year after he had returned from his mission. The first time I met him was at a ward dance. He was trying to get my roommate to go skiing with him, and she wasn't taking him up on it. For some reason his persistence didn't impress me then. Tom and his roommate were made home teachers to two of my roommates while the other roommate and I had another set. That's when Tom started winning me over. I was impressed with how much he cared about my roommates and what a good home teacher he was. Soon he was coming over twice a month to home teach and 28 times to goof off.
One of our best dates was the night we went dancing on campus. We didn’t know anyone at these dances, but there were always a number of ward dances going on. After we danced for a while we ran through the sprinklers. Then Tom showed me how the statue of Brigham Young could do the funky chicken. The statue has been moved now so I don’t know if it will work, but back then you could run across the quad and the vertical lines of the Administration building passing behind Brigham created an optical illusion that made it seem like he was dancing. Another good date was the night we bought items from the bulk section of Smith’s. Just 3-4 pieces of each kind of candy. The cart was filled with plastic bags and a little candy. We went on a few dates, but mostly just enjoyed doing things together as friends.
Just before leaving on my mission Tom and I played a joke on a mutual friend and went to church "engaged." I had on a cheap, fake diamond and all. During that weekend Tom also kissed me for the first time...my first kiss ever.
Most boys wouldn’t take me seriously when I first told them I was going on a mission. They usually did a double take when they realized I was serious. Tom and Bruce were the exception. They were excited that I was going on a mission and totally supported me. Tom wrote about every six months, and his letters were just right. He talked about scriptures that meant something for him and new insights he had about them. He was very encouraging, and wrote the kind of letters a sister missionary needs to receive.
Tom was the only one of my friends who was able to come to my homecoming meeting. He insisted on putting his arm around me and driving me to and from the church building even though I hadn't been released yet. All the extended family wondered, "Who is that good-looking young man?" They didn't believe me when I told them he was "just a friend."
Just before we were engaged Tom and I hiked Mount Timpanogus together. He intended to ask me to marry him at the top, but we ran into a group of 4 up there, and he decided it was much too crowded to be romantic.
We got engaged 1 1/2 weeks after we started seriously dating. To this day there are a few things that set Tom apart from all others...he is the only man I dated more than three times, he is the only man I ever kissed, and he had Heavenly Father's approval.
We were married November 26, 1986, in the Provo Temple.
Early in our marriage Tom's mom gave us a decorative plate with this written on it...
"When two fond hearts as one unite
The yoke is easy
And the burden is light"
..and I thought I knew what love was when we started this wild ride!
I wouldn't change a thing.
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