Thought provoking words

"I lost what I used to be and I miss what I used to be"...

One of my friends used these words in a post on sparkpeople.com. It made me think. Our life is a journey. We live and change. We're faced with all kinds of experiences and change some more. Did I like what I was as a child? Have I ever liked myself? Did I lose myself along the way? Have the changes been good...or bad?

I've often stated that life begins at 40, and I still believe that. I did not like myself as a child. I had poor self-esteem. I struggled through life hoping that someday I would please Heavenly Father, and that is what kept me making the choices I made in my youth. After my mission I came home more confident and liking myself, but it was short-lived. It was just a taste of what I could really be.

For a long time I would look back at that brief time after my mission, and wish I could find it again. Finally, at the age of 42, I figured it out. I realized that I was acceptable to Heavenly Father. No matter what I do, HE still loves me and I am worthy of that love. That is extremely motivating to continue doing my best. I have overcome the effects of past abuse. I am confident, happy, at peace with myself. I am a positive person and have an optimistic outlook. I LOVE MYSELF!

Do you remember the radio ad for a product to recover lost hair growth? I left work one day just as that ad was playing. Immediately after starting my car I heard, "Try ______ and have the confidence you had 20 years ago."

I said out loud, "I don't want the confidence I had 20 years ago. I want the confidence I have right now!"

"BOLD"...

One of my friends just started a blog and used this word in her first post. She was saying that she is bold in some of her opinions and beliefs. It made me think because I'm the same way. Some things I have a very definite, strong opinion, and other issues I really don't care one way of the other.

Here's one where I have a definite opinion:

A friend posted an article on facebook last week about the differences between Chinese parents and western parents. I try to keep an open mind, but frankly, that article had the attitude that the Chinese way of parenting was best and us westerners just dabble in parenting. No wonder our kids are turning out flops.

There were a couple things that really bothered me about that article. First was that Chinese parents call their children names and demean them if they fail, calling their kids "garbage" and other things. I'm sorry, but THERE IS NO REASON EVER TO CALL YOUR CHILDREN NAMES! It is possible to be firm and to expect high things of your children without "motivating" them with demeaning and horrible names. I would NOT have been motivated by that and neither would my children. Names used in my past were things like fathead, meat head, bird brain, and others. They never made me want to do better. They only made me feel worse about myself.

Second, Chinese parents nag and fight their kids until the kids give up and the parent wins. Chinese children are never given the opportunity to CHOOSE. The whole idea is that the parents know best and must force the children to agree. I do not agree with that (besides the fact that is sounds very much like my childhood). I feel very strongly that children are blessed with the ability to choose. My patriarchal blessing tells me that I have always felt that way and that my children would have agency and would need to be taught to make wise choices. I believe that the only way they can learn to choose is to have the opportunity to make choices. To practice.

I start with simple things. When a child is 2 years old, I don't let them choose how long we will stay at the park to play. When it is time to go I pick them up and take them. When they are older I call them and start walking away. They have always come running. At the age of 2 years, I do let them choose between two shirts...do you want this one or that one? Last year I had to explain to one of Hannah's teachers that at the age of 13 Hannah was old enough to choose if she would continue in orchestra or not. She chose to stick with it, and she is much better about practicing this year (wonder of wonders!) By the time our kids are in their last year of school they are handling most of their own lives. Between high school and mission is when I teach them how to handle their own bank accounts and the finishing touches of cooking, mending and other skills.

I don't feel that I've done my kids a disservice by not forcing them to perform exactly the way I think they should. They are more confident than I ever was. The author of the article believed that the Chinese way created confident children and the western way created damaged children. Hmmm,...I haven't seen that in our family. One of my friends readers commented that Chinese parents turn out children who can do the job and excel in following orders, but they aren't innovators. I think I'd rather have innovators in my family. Tom pointed out that the Chinese way of doing things is based on their communistic background. Hmm, another thought.

Word to the wise

After receiving our Bountiful Basket today, dinner will be bean and cheese burritos with fresh salsa cruda and guacamole. We'll also be having fried plantain bananas with crema.

Word to the wise...when making salsa cruda, DO NOT touch your face when your hands are covered with peppers, onion and garlic. And if you do, NEVER sniffle. I learned from first hand experience. Tom will be making all our salsa from now on!

This has been a day to remember and revisit the past. First we walked to Fred Meyer for a few groceries, thinking we'd get our exercise while accomplishing something. Then we remembered...we used to do that all the time when we were newly weds and didn't own a car. Tonight the kids will be gone; we will be playing scrabble...the favorite date night of our early married years. Tom is even spreading out a blanket for us to play on. The only things different than times past...our ages, 24 years of marriage, and a nice fire in the fireplace!

Temple!

This is what the Tegucigalpa Honduras Temple will look like. It was announced in 2007 and I was sad to learn that construction had been halted soon after it was begun. Finally, the church decided to change locations of the temple site and construction was begun again in 2009. Members in Honduras had to travel by bus 12 hours to get to the temple in Guatemala. Mostly, they go once a year.

I lifted this photo off facebook. My friend Francis is in it somewhere. I was looking at it thinking, "Wait! That's not the Guatemalan temple. What temple is that?" It's the Honduras temple! I'm so excited for them. My friends there in the Teguc area will be able to attend the temple as much as they want!

Netflix lessons

I know we are behind the times when it comes to technology! After all we've only had a cell phone for a year and a half now, and I've only had an mp3 player for about 3 years. Well, we were looking at the budget and decided that even though we don't rent movies every month, we were still spending more than $10 per month when we did the math. So we signed up for netflix. It's been fun watching movies and shows whenever we want and having them delivered at the door.

Some of the shows I watched were documentaries on Mount Everest. (Yes, I'm looking forward to summer and more hiking! But I've decided that Mount Everest won't be on my hiking list.)

It takes several months just to prepare to climb Mount Everest, and it can take 2 months to achieve their goal. For example: I never knew that to climb Everest they leave base camp and climb to Camp 1. They stay at Camp 1 for several days getting used to the elevation. Then they move to camp 2 for a night and then camp 3 for a night. Then they hike all the way back to base camp for a few nights before they start over. With wonderful weather and perfect health, the trip to the summit and back can take a couple weeks, and by the time they actually reach the summit they have climbed Everest at least twice. Finally, when they reach camp 4, they rest for a few hours and then start climbing again at 11 pm. That allows them to reach the summit and return to camp 4 all in one day.

The part of one show that caught my attention was this:

Once people are on the mountain they can't be stopped. They are focused on the goal. Even when there are accidents and bad weather it is hard for them to turn back knowing that they may never reach the summit in their lifetime. It's especially hard when they know this is their only chance to do it.

Those in base camp can only give advice. They cannot enforce a direct order and it does no good to give them. They can't say, "The weather is bad, get back down here." All they can say is, "The weather isn't looking very good. Maybe you should turn around." It's up to the climber to use his judgement.

I've been thinking about how that lesson can be applied to life. We all have our goals and dreams. We work on them and make progress in them daily. The closer we are the more excited and focused we get. If someone were to give us a direct order, we probably wouldn't listen. All they can do is make suggestions and let us decide.

It's amazing what you can learn from Netflix...lol.